Pornographers, keep your models safe from STDs during lesbian scenes by having them all stick out their tongues and point them in the general direction of each other’s vaginal areas while lying five feet apart.
Earl K., South Hampton, MA

Pornographers, dress up your models in fake jewels and garish high heels so they don’t appear to be the 23-year-old impoverished speed addicts they really are.
Lauren D., New York, NY

Pornographers, when your model is being double penetrated, make sure you get a few shots of her smiling directly at the camera in case her grandmother is surfing.
Carrie W., Stagsford, CT

Pornographers, a couple of cheerleading costumes placed on models will save you the hassle of trolling high school football games for willing 18-year-old lesbian cheerleaders.
Phillip P., Seattle, WA

Pornographers, make your movie more erotic by including tons of deplorable acting and a dumb plot.
John W., Stag, MT

Pornographers, Use Photoshop to replace a model’s vagina with another mouth for a double blow-job extravaganza! Another mouth added to the back of her head will even increase the action!
Carl P., Dusty, ID

Webmasters, to save storage space and keep surfers’ curiosities piqued, include links to “hot lesbian teens” and “Free Porn” but have them point to one chubby mature.
David H., Chicago, IL

Guys, become pornographers so you no longer need to hide your extensive pornographic video and magazine collection.
Fred J., Dalton, MA

Pornographers, a couple of cow costumes will also save you the hassle of searching all of Michigan for a pair of real lesbian cows.
Phillip P., Seattle, WA

Webmasters, make sure to include enough pop-ups so the user will have enough time to really consider joining your great site. Something like 5,000 should cover your bases.
Alfred K., Newark, NJ

Germans, a microwaved piece of old dog shit will give you that fresh hot Charlie feeling in a pinch.
Tim H., Sacremento, CA

Pornographers, a couple of nuns costumes fitted on two crack whores will save you the difficult task of finding real nuns for your nun lesbian shoot.
Brougham, J., Plano, TX

Porn Video Editors, use orangutans as VOs in your videos so male models sound less like big apes.
Steward D., Portland, OR

Pornographers, make lesbian sex shoots more erotic by making the models appear to be having sex.
Theodore H., Bishop, MT

Pornographers, use Photoshop to include a ferret in your model's mons pubis. With just a little work you can have tons of images to cover the hot vaginal-ferret niche. (Also works for Gary Coleman niche.)
Carol P., Dusty, ID

Pornographers, Some alien costumes will also save you from having to hide out in the New Mexico desert waiting for aliens to take you up into their ship to shoot porn.
Phillip P., Seattle, WA