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Real products, real photos, real real!

 

New Kleenex brand Velutess toilet tissue is so soft it’s like wiping your ass with a little puppy! And armed with “The Strength of Softness,” you can be rest assured that much like the durable fur of a puppy, which might take the rigors of wiping for months (until the puppy grew large enough to take a good bite out of your ass to put an end to your ass-wiping antics) this toilet paper will too! So keep your groin safe and avoid the scanning eye of the SPCA by procuring some Kleenex brand Velutess!*

 

 

 

*Kleenex does not endorse wiping your ass with any living creature.

 

 

 

Figaro’s new Snehulky candies will finally coat your bored palate with the refreshing taste of snehulky! Whenever you feel like the exciting taste of snehulky, reach for a Snehulky. Made with real snehulky extract, they’re sure to please when you’re in the need to get some snehulky in your mouth! Rush out and pick up a few bags today!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If it’s not magic nor is it connected to the Disney soon-to-be-classic “Finding Nemo,” then it’s probably not Fileni’s new Magic Hot Dog! Although these breaded hot dogs on a stick are not really supernatural, they are packaged alongside a cartoon picture of a clown fish so kids are sure to be kept from piercing through the veil of marketing unreality just a little while longer! (Includes packet of yellow mustard to increase level of enchantment.)

 

 

Your taste buds will never be the same after you sink into your first bite of new “everything” flavored Bake Bars! Even if the flavor of “everything” appears taste like flour and salt, you will be contented to know that with every mouthwatering mouthful you taste the taste of everything in the world with every taste!