WASHINGTON—Whether you call it plumber’s butt, builder’s crack, or one of the other myriad terms used to describe a laborer’s exposed anal cleft, it always means one thing: viewing the nasty, hairy ass crack of a man fixing something in your home. But no longer is the term entirely linked to receiving an unpleasant eyeful. Federal Authorities announced recently that the low-slung waistline, which some have deemed “The New Cleavage,” is an official fashion statement with young women, an announcement that is causing plumbers and builders to celebrate.

“It’s good for everyone,” said Sam Donaldson of Sammy’s Plumbing in Seattle. “But first and foremost, it finally gives our own cracks validity since the fashion certainly was inspired by us.”

If you’re willing to listen, Donaldson will make another uncanny claim, stating that the low-slung style is actually a centuries-old Masonic conspiracy aimed at eroding moral values, so a one-world totalitarian technocratic government could rise and rule mankind with its own machines. Despite the potentially tyrannical effects of the pouting pant line, Donaldson said that currently it “allows us to gawk at ass cracks, assisting us in imagining getting our tongues down there.”

Not everyone believes the new fashion is positive. Roy Finkle, 80, who lives in the small town of Ipswich, South Dakota, views it as “unsavory” and feels that it is one of several other negative trends in the youth community, such as using pharmaceuticals normally reserved for livestock, and getting modern-primitive tattoos, and body piercings.

Finkle said that he recently saw a teenage girl, with her “backside exposed,” openly discussing her clitoral piercing with a group of boys. “I heard Dick Leonard’s granddaughter brazenly explain how the piercing increased the strength of her orgasms and how it assisted her in mastering ‘the art of female ejaculation,’ whatever that is. And it’s all because of them plumbers.”

Raymond Edmonds, a proponent of The New Cleavage and employee of Sammy’s Plumbing for the past eight years, says that the blue-collar group’s unity and single mindedness, over a 200-year period, assisted in concluding the Mason’s design. “My father wore his pants loose, as did my grandfather, and my grandfather’s grandfather. We held inside of ourselves generations of pain created by the constant snickers and guffaws going on behind our backs. But we believed in the prophecy, and we were right—it has come to fruition.”

Most of the workers said that they will not be alive to see the despotic one-world government presided over by the All-Seeing Eye. Right now all they seem to care about is the sweet, young ass being flaunted everywhere.

“It used to be that I’d struggle a bit to envision what a certain girl’s ass might look like, and it was hard to really focus while masturbating,” Donaldson said. “But now it’s pleasantly simple: one glance at a girl’s behind and I can instantly imagine jamming my rock-hard cock into her tight brown eye.”