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Society and Culture
Campbell’s
“Man Chowder” Recalled Minutes before Shipped out to
Supermarkets
Is
Porn Worse Than Crack? Pumpster's "Quote, Unquote" with
the Senate testimony of Mary Anne Layden!
Space
Aliens Send Invasion Armada to Washington Because Of Pioneer 10
Porn
“Plumber’s
Butt” Hit Fashion Statement with Young Women, Plumbers Rejoice
Worldwide
Camel
Toes Become Fashionable in Alabama, Iowa, Georgia
Adult Entertainment
"Lady
Chatterley’s Lover” Boring, Claims Employee of Fistinglessons.com
38-Year-Old
Man Realizes Term “MILF” No Longer Relevant
Judge
Accused of Masturbating Resigns To Pursue Career in Porn
Man
Feels Friend’s Budding Interest in “Chicks with Dicks”
a Homosexual Facade
Blind
Date’s Failure Blamed on Bulk Jar of Vasaline
Human Interest
Woman Admits
Life-Sized Kevin Costner Tattoo Not Such a Well Thought-Out Idea
Tattoo
Artist Pretty Sure Woman Said ‘Nick Nolte,’ Not ‘Dolphin’
Police
Investigate Bizarre Bernie-Mac-Tattoo-Related Suicide
Woman
Fears Boyfriend Preparing To Write Screenplay
Man
Fears Girlfriend Preparing To Become a Witch
Business
Porn Actor Pursues Dream of Opening
Porn-Themed Eatery
Failed
Restaurateur Now Realizes Why Nine Out of Ten New Restaurants Fail
Special
Real
products, real photos, real odd!
Swedish
Coffee Company Gevalia Kaffee Releases Controversial New "Special
Offer"
Read the Pumpster
X-Tips--fun for the whole family!
The Executive Ass Man
This
week The Executive Ass Man replies to Paul from Milwaukee: “Will
I get poopy on my dick?”
This
week The Executive Ass Man replies to John from Topeka: "Will
eating ass make me sick?"
Science
Butt-Sniffing
Dogs Searching For Snacks, Not Information
Psychoanalysts
Debate the Interpretation of Matrix-Inspired Dreams
Ten
Minutes to Orgasm: The Day the Internet Went Down
Huge
Tits Nothing But “Big Balls of Nasty Fat,” Claims Scientist
Huge
Monster Cock Nothing but a “Blood-Engorged Flesh Sock,”
Claims Scientist
Editorial
Yin,
Yang, and Joni, Men’s Empathy is Baloney
Boy,
am I sure glad I didn't assassinate President Bush!
If
I Don’t Have A Few Brats Quick,My Beer Drinking Is Going To
Suffer!
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Republicans
Concerned about Bush’s Genitalia Platform
WASHINGTON—This week, from Oct. 26-Nov. 1, marks the anniversary
of Protection from Pornography Week 2003, Bush’s Presidential
Proclamation in which he stated his promise to protect families, communities,
and children from the “debilitating effects” of pornography.
But the Bush administration has not announced plans to hold a Protection
from Pornography Week 2004, a situation that is worrying some Republicans.
Critics feel Bush is revealing a weakness in the Republican genitalia
platform, and that he should intensify his stance that genitals instill
embarrassment and self-loathing.
Conservative authorities claim that through the proliferation of pornography,
liberals seek to undermine the U.S. Puritan forefather’s belief
that the human body is shameful and repulsive. And Right Wing Republican’s
are worried that without another Protection From Pornography Week, liberals
could get soft-core pornographic magazines, such as Playboy and Penthouse,
back onto supermarket shelves instead of being held behind cashiers
and tucked inside black-plastic coverings.
If having centerfolds once again exposed in supermarket aisles is not
invasive enough, Attorney General John Ashcroft told the Baltimore Sun
that pornography "invades our homes persistently through the mail,
phone, VCR, cable TV and the Internet.” Although there is no scientific
data as of yet to back up Ashcroft’s assertion that pornography
might be a living entity that can range freely, possibly like a life-collective
similar to ants or bees, his comment reveals how powerful a force pornography
wields not only on the Administration, but also on the Christian beliefs
held by some of our government employees.
Most specialists working for the Justice Department admit that although
God created us in His own image, he also chose to “customize”
our bodies, much like youth customize automobiles with gadgets and flares.
“Obviously, God hasn’t a thing between his legs that he’s
constantly trying to rub against a cheerleader,” said Bob Nguyen,
a computer forensic specialist for the Justice Department. “God
added genitals to His image, so we’d have the remarkable opportunity
to encounter humiliation and indignity during otherwise carefree lives.”
The world is awaiting a response to this question, and Republicans fear
that without another Protection From Pornography Week, or another push
by Bush to denounce the human reproductive system, that feelings like
Nguyen’s will soon be replaced by liberal doublespeak like “our
bodies, ourselves,” or “self love.”
The oversight in arranging another Protection from Pornography Week
2004 could have far-reaching damage for the Republican genital platform.
Dr. James Dobson, from the Family Research Council, said that “without
constantly attacking the pornography and what it represents, our nation
might not only be engaging in bedroom acts without self-loathing, but
also Communism, once again, will gain a foothold. Coupled with Terrorism,
that would be the end of civilization as we know it.”
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