SEATTLE—Jonathan Edwards, 21, recently incarcerated at the Seattle King County correctional facility, found himself on the receiving end of his second anal gang bang in a week when 76 fellow African American inmates refused to heed his pleas that anal sex was not really his “thing.”

The argument was framed by Edwards, a college junior who planned to graduate with a degree in sociology from University of Washington, in the County Correctional van on his way to the facility last week. With some background in law, mainly Political Science 101, Edwards said he crafted a speech that resounded with an understanding of the act, an acceptance of the participants as human beings, and then concluded with a firm but gentle request to abide by the Golden Rule.

“I didn’t want anyone to think I was saying they were homosexuals, which could lead to more trouble, for instance a ‘neck shanking.’ I just wanted them to empathize with my lack of desire to be anally raped.”

During the most recent gang rape, Edwards told the 76 African Americans that he would surly never anally violate them if they didn’t want to be, a statement that may have caused the men to laugh more than empathize.

“Right before my peer group was about to begin taking him in the shower, he stopped and began framing an interesting line of reasoning that resonated understanding and acceptance, but, unfortunately, was too funny to fully convince us we shouldn’t rape him in the ass,” said Michael Washington, who is serving a life sentence for marijuana possession. “Most new inmates simply put up a half-hearted struggle, but then accept the cruel, merciless fate.”

Another inmate present at the African American gang bang was Leonard P. Moore, who said that he has never seen an inmate so poised before a rape. “It was pleasantly surprising to hear a white male address us as ‘gentlemen’ and ‘scholars’ instead of ‘coon dogs.’”

The week before, when Edwards was participating in his first gang rape that was organized by the 59 members of the facility’s Caucasian contingent, Edwards’ plea also failed to stop those men from acting. During that argument, Edwards told the men that his experience in law might be beneficial to those who would like a deeper understanding of the system that placed them behind “these dense, unyielding walls of concrete and pain.”

The leader of the Caucasian contingent, Seymour Clark, said “I believe when he said he would be willing to meet with us individually and discuss our cases, he was not lying. I think he simply failed to realize that most of us here are either attorneys or judges and that we just wanted to fuck him up the ass.”

Edwards places great faith in his “advanced education” and is baffled by the failed arguments. “I don’t think they really want to listen,” he said. “And certainly it does not reflect on my ability to frame a defense.”

Edwards’ ability to ever frame a real defense in front of a court might be in serious jeopardy, as it is unlikely he will ever be accepted into law school after his felony conviction of raping Juliet Swanson, 21, over what Edwards claims was a misunderstanding about her low pant line.

“I think the new kid simply must understand the situation here,” Clark said. “He’s what is known as a ‘fish,’ the colloquial term we use for a new, fresh inmate. And fish, well, they get fucked. For years.”

Edwards added: “Well, at least the fellows got the initiation ritual out of the way; now we can start to get to know each other and just be friends.”