DAYTON, TX—Electric guitarist and interior painter Lorimar Jameson, 40, told colleagues that the window to move beyond marijuana and become addicted to harder illicit substances, such as crack cocaine and heroin, is slowly closing for him, and he worries that he might have entirely missed the chance to become a rock star junkie and experience the amazing effects, and fame, the Class-A drugs offer musicians.

“I really thought I was set to start experimenting with heroin somewhere around the age of seventeen. As a budding musician, I was really influenced by heroin users like David Bowie, Lou Reed, and Jim Morrison, and I felt certain that I was on a musical path that paralleled their own, a path that would lead me to fame and fortune once I became a user, opened the doors of perception, and got ‘experienced’ enough to compose my first hit.”

At the age of fifteen, when Jameson was in his first band "Rebel Peapod" with fellow classmates, he said he thought he discovered the secret that would lead his band to success. “In Jr. High this cop talked to our class about drugs. It was then, when I heard that taking a single puff from a marijuana cigarette would trap me in a lifelong addiction with heroin, I knew our band was going to be huge. I knew our success relied on me becoming a junkie singer/songwriter, but never knew how to begin.”

Jameson began buying gram bags of marijuana from a fellow band mate’s older brother, but the gateway never revealed itself. “No matter how much pot I smoked, I never had the urge to rush out and score some horse.”

Although Jameson can only speculate, he feels his lack of heroin addiction caused Rebel Peapod to remain mediocre and never reach the heights of fame afforded to legendary bands like Led Zeppelin or The Rolling Stones. “We tried very hard, but Jimmy quit, and Jody got married. I should have known we’d never get far if we weren’t shooting smack.”

At the age of twenty-two and while a member of "Mummy Humpers," his seventeenth band, Jameson was first employed as an interior painter for the firm he still works for today. Although over the last two decades his job has afforded him complete freedom to utilize the gateway drug marijuana, routinely smoking it up to twenty-five times a day, he said he’s been unable to find the gate that will allow him to begin using harder substances. “Now I’m thinking I put too much hope in marijuana leading me to harder drugs, and maybe I should have borrowed the $50 and shot up the time Jimmy’s pal from Portland showed up at The Red Room and offered to sell me Mexican black tar back in 1987.”

Although Jameson plays on Saturdays in a nameless lounge band at the Hilton, performing soft rock covers from the 60’s and 70’s, he says he fantasizes less and less about playing in front of the small crowd of traveling businesspersons while off his head on heroin. “I don’t think the Hilton food and beverage manager would put up with it, anyway. I mean, if I was jacked up in front of a million fans in Wembley Stadium that would be a different story. But falling over and shitting my pants in front of the crowd while playing a Mama and the Papas medley would probably only depress me.”